Don’t tell me to make lemonade or I might smack you in the mouth.
I recently left my job/career and have moved back home with my parents. At 27 this is not what I expected for myself.
I thought I had my life on track, I was doing my PhD and had a career as an academic ahead of me. Two years into it and I walked away, for many reason that I don’t want to go into here, that is a whole other post, but one of them was that I thought I wasn’t good enough. Now I feel like a failure. I have nothing to show for my two years and the feeling of failure is overwhelming. I failed at something I was meant to be good at. It took me two years to fully realise how much of a failure I was at it. I failed at something the others around me seemed so good at. I failed at something so many people would love the opportunity to do.
I didn’t realise how much of identity and self-worth was tied up in what I did. Now I am trying to figure out who I am and what I want to do which is really hard. I feel worthless as I don’t know my identity anymore. “Who are you?” said the Caterpillar…“I—I hardly know, Sir, just at present,” Alice replied rather shyly, “at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have changed several times since then”
Job hunting really is soul destroying. You send off application after application, once in a blue moon you actually get a reply telling you that you weren’t quite the right match. The interviews I have had, have always ended the same, I lack experience. Something that I can’t go back and change now and doing an internship isn’t really an option. Boredom has set in and some days I struggle to get out of my jammies as I have nothing to motivate me.
Moving home, I’m lucky that I have that as an option to me, my parents always kept my room for me and I am close to my family but after 8 years of having my own space and freedom it is a bit of a shock to the system. The main problem though is that I don’t know anyone here. I have no friends. I miss having a best friend to talk to and spend time with, or people to go do things with. I am stuck with my mind for company, which isn’t really advisable. I feel sad and sorry for myself, I want to cry most of the time and just hide under the covers, and this is when I’m medicated.
Then I have people telling me that it could be worse, yes I know that in the grand scheme of things, I’m still pretty lucky and that things aren’t that bad, but humans by their very nature are selfish and self-consuming. I am concerned about what is happening to me and my world, and currently my world is in disarray. I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, I don’t know when it will get better, and that is scary and makes me feel even worse.
It isn’t even about comparing myself to others, which I do still do (everyone around me is getting married, having babies etc etc,), but it is about what I expected for myself. I worked really hard to get my degrees and thought I would go into the world and everything would be great, that is what uni tells you. The reality is, your degree is quite worthless, you spent thousands getting it and you are no more qualified to get a job than you were at 18 when you first left school. I believed going to uni would better my life, so maybe I’m angry at the system, or angry at myself for letting myself be suckered in.
Sometimes you just need to write down your thoughts to make sense of them
This is really powerful.
Oh my god, this is such a perfect way to make a statement.
Reblogging this again because it’s so fucking good
this is fucking amazing
i’ll never not reblog
It is the civic duty of a female to reblog this, regardless of blog style.
ALWAYS REBLOG KAT DENNINGS SLAMMING SLUT SHAMING
I love this.
If only your eyes saw souls instead of bodies, how different our ideals of beauty would be… I believe we can change how we look at people, and it starts with changing how we look at ourselves. #allbodiesaregoodbodies
if u ever need something to smile at here’s my dog in his raincoat
Dascha Polanco poses in the press room at the iHeartRadio Music Festival Night 2 at the MGM Grand Resort and Casino on September 20, 2014 in Las Vegas, Nevada.
Fat girls with a jawline are not the only kind of fat girls.
You best believe there’s heaps of hot fat babes with huge double chins and motherfuckin’ neck fat.
i wanna feel how dogs feel when you let them go in a big field
Do you finally get it? Thin privilege is real and alive folks.